I just want to shake something

I grew up in a household where my mother and us kids were responsible for all household chores. Cleaning. Cooking. Bills. Decorating. Either mom took care of us kids or we took care of ourselves. Dad was always involved in our lives but he was in charge of the farm outside and would spend a large part of the day and night out there.

For some reason even though this was the life style I grew up with, I for some reason have the expectations that things would be different for me. That I would have a husband that would help wash dishes, do laundry, clean the rooms, haul the garbage. Instead I get the husband that will sleep in till 4pm on a saturday and will only get up to do something if it involves his daughter. And he will only do it if I have everything ready for him. Or better yet, he'll watch her if I can lay her in bed next to him so he can continue to sleep. I got 4 messages/calls when I went out shopping for 3 hours today.

I came home and cleaned the whole house while he went back to bed for some more sleep. He claims its because he doesn't feel good. He hasn't felt good in 3 years. He got up and was upset that I wasn't happy with him. Didn't know there was something I should be happy for.

I'm not treated like a wife. I don't get loved like a wife. There is no hugs, no kisses. Nothing.

Yet I'm not suppose to be upset. I'm not suppose to get frustrated.

We lost our day care this week. I have exactly two weeks to find more. I asked him a question on his opinion of who I should get. I guess I shouldn't have even asked.

I guess I will go do what I do most Saturday nights since my daughter was born. I will go cook dinner, finish the laundry, put Tayla down, then go to bed. Alone. Like always. Maybe he will come to bed before 5 Am. I guess that would be considered a good night.

yippy.