1 year later

I have a One year old. Who knew. Tayla took up walking at 11.5 months. Now at 12 months she's almost running. She got a stronger personallity now and, let me tell ya, she knows what she wants. Teeth have been a royal P.I.T.A! I broke down and got her an amber necklace. Going to try that today and see how that goes.

She had a big party the day before her real birthday. It was SOOO not a normal July day in WI. Normally its really warm (about 85degrees) but instead it was in the 60's and never even reached 70. Tayla had to have a sweatshirt on the whole time!! Heck we all wore sweatshirts!

Work is winding down. We survived the busiest July month. It may have been sketchy at times, but we made it.

But the biggest news yet.....


.... We are expecting again!!!! Due 4/14/14!!! Fun date huh? I delivered Tayla on her due date so I'm hoping this one comes on it's due date too. I feel comfortable sharing here, I'm almost positive not one family member actually reads this. Those that do I'm sure will keep it on the down low. I just found out and already the nausea has set in. Not throwing up yet.. thankfully. In my field of work there is many 'gross' sights and smells so its not hard for me to feel sick at work. But I'm hanging in there. 

Some pictures of my 1 YEAR OLD!!

Its kinda fun that I took the pictures myself! I'm so excited!

Time flies...

I just realized I hadn't written anything since April. So much time has passed I'm trying to remember all the good things to share. Tayla continues to grow and amaze us. She processes things so much these days I can swear some days I can FEEL her learning. She stood up on her own for the first time on the exact day she turned 10 months. She still doesn't have even one tooth. Her smile is so contagious its hard not to be happy when I'm home.

Love her big thoughtful eyes

loves the outdoors

Mommy's First Mothers Day

 I did celebrate my first Mother's day this year. I wish I could say it was some grand event, but it was just what I wanted. Nothing. I worked the night of and the night before mother's day and I wanted nothing more than a good day's rest. And I was granted that wish. I slept most of the morning and got up to enjoy time with my daughter in the after noon. The flowers were pretty. But her smile is what I loved the most.

Don't worry she's not a perfect angel :)

I took my Inpatient Obstetrical Certification exam in the middle of May. It was the longest two weeks EVER waiting for those results but I'm happy to say that I did pass and I am certified! RNC-OB!! So glad that the main testing part is over.

I start teaching the prenatal classes independently starting this month. Go figure its one of the largest classes EVER this month. But I love the idea of the challenge.

 Its finally starting to warm up around her and I couldn't be more happy about summer coming.We have many weddings and fun events to attend including Travis's twin brother's wedding.  Should be a good time.

Life in the fast lane...

I haven't had a chance to write in over a month. My daughter now crawls everywhere super fast and is crawling up on things and even walking with toys. Crazy how the time flies isn't it?

I've been studying for my Inpatient OB exam. Comes up in about a month. I'm kinda excited, but really nervous that I don't know everything I need to. I'm already thinking of what exam I would want to do next. Thats even scarier. LOL :)

I've started teaching prenatal classes. I love them. I love being able to meet these couples and work with them on the type of birth experience they desire. I hoping to bring my fellow nurse Annie on board to start teaching with me.

I was preparing for a birth class when I found this article that made me want to spread it everywhere at work. It was talking about your due date and how we as a society need to start referring to this is a "maybe date". I've attached the handout. My favorite part is the part on the bottom where it talks about how if we can't even get the science and timing down to bake a cake in 45 min how can we get down 9 months to a science. LOVE IT!

Work is picking up speed. We had some incredibly SLOW months for march and most of april but we seem to be picking up speed and we are having fun in the process. Not going to lie, we are freaking out about July since we have TWICE as many moms due that month then we normally deliver. We are panicking about both staffing and room set ups. But I'm sure we will manage, we always seem to. 














I'm going to go back and finish my banana bread and get back to studying before Tayla wakes up from a nap. 

I'll write more sometime soon.....

My Birthday!

 Today is my birthday. I was awaken at 4:37 am by the cries from my daughters crib. I crawled my large butt outta bed and went and gave her a big hug. We enjoyed our morning nap together in my king size bed.

I enjoyed the beautiful presents from my husband. A new fish to start!

A gorgeous necklace at the bottom in the treasure chest!

 I went to put on my slippers and found a nuk tucked deep inside. I've been chasing a stinky butt, little pajama clad girl with rags to mop up the runny nose. I've lost track of the number of times I've been sneezed on. But its the best birthday ever. Cause she is here to celebrate with me!!

Notice the bright red nose or the tears? Nope I notice the huge smile!!

This is one kid that hates cuddles. But today she is all for them. I'm not sure if she knows its my birthday and the present that she could get me that I'd love or if the cold has just knocked her down that much, but I LOVE EVERY MOMENT!

 I just read a blog from a mom about her  Bad Mom Day 
 I laughed so hard. I cried huge tears. My daughter is just 7.5 months old, but I felt if I completely understood already. I feel its blog moms every where need to read and remember. We've all been there and one day we will go there again.

Happy Birthday to Me. I'm going to go give more hugs. I'm going to laugh hard. And I'll say no more then once today.

To 2013 and my 26 birthday. The best one yet!

Its ok.

I've had some of those first time mom realizations lately.

Tayla has been in a "you must be by me, near me, and within sight of me" mode. Whether its me, her father, or grandma Sue, none of us can win. Heavens forbid one of us has to pee. Today I had that "Listen kid. Your just going to have to deal with it." moment. The dog needed to be let outside. Travis needed to go to work and I just needed a drink. She was left alone on her rug in the living room with her gazillion and one toys and she screamed. And Screamed. But I had that moment that I learned she will be ok. She can scream. Its going to happen.

And I smiled. Cause I'm growing as a mom as fast as she's growing. And I like it.

Just like I was fine this last weekend when she was being grumpy and was preparing for a nap but we really needed to get to the bank for a meeting. So I called Grandma. "Can she come sleep at your place?".

Since she was born she has only be left with someone baby sitting like 4 times other than daycare. And this time was the first time I didn't feel guilty about it. I didn't have to go to work. It wasn't a super important meeting. I just wanted to go to the bank without her screaming, to open accounts. And you know what. Its ok that she's not with me every moment she can. Its ok that some others would like to watch her for me. Its ok

We are going to be ok.

We've had a  great February. My husband has not smoked in the last two weeks. He quit drinking about a month ago. Our relationship is improving. We are talking about baby number two. (not making, just talking :))

Here is a glimpse of highlights....

 

 

 

We ride in the cart like a big girl!

We made our first midnight trip to the ER on Valentines day. Hello Croup.

Travis and Tayla had this sent to work on Valentines day for me. I was in love with it!

Tayla reading her first ever Valentine. Love her face!

Trying SOOOOO hard to crawl

Morning Smiles.

Playing with her first baby doll!

This smile melts my heart every morning. :)

 

Our attempts to crawl caught on camera!

We survived!

... Ok maybe it should be titled "We Almost Survived!"

I got a call from my daycare last Friday that Tay's temp was over 102. Great. Teeth or Bug? Who knew. I sent my husband home from work to go get her. They spent the afternoon focused on sleeping but she didn't seem to be getting any worse. That was until Saturday. She continued to run temps on Saturday and the nasal stuffiness ensued. She was so bad saturday night because she could no longer breathe out of her nose at all. This meant she couldn't suck on a bottle or suck on a pacifier. Two things she just loves. We put her in the middle of our king size bed for the night and eventually she fell asleep. At least on and off. Sunday she proceeded to have upset stomach and loose stools. Monday I thought we had advanced to an ear infection so I called the doctor. No infection but major fluid build up causing pressure. By Monday night I had thought we were finally over Tay's first sickness. My husband and I were so proud of ourselves that we survived.

Except.

Three hours after Tay went to be last night- It hit me. I instantly couldn't breathe through my nose, my throat hurts like hellfire, and I just feel like I got hit by a truck.

She got me. She straight up gave me her bug.

Dang it!

Over ambitious

I done gone did it again. Over planned, over agreed and overly spread myself way to thin again committing myself to just one too many things.

I'm putting together my portfolio for another ambitious job at work. I'm starting to take on prenatal classes... aka teach them, not just go to them. I also signed up to take my OB inpatient certification class. EEK!

Plus just plain being busy at work.

And I miss my peanut. Yesterday I was sick. And I mean S-i-c-k. Like I thought I wasn't going to have a stomach after that one because I was so sure there was nothing left to throw up BUT my stomach. But I kept Tayla away since I didn't want to get her sick. And in that one day I missed her sooo much.

So I'm taking a moment from the piles of paperwork and cleaning and all that other stuff to listen to my daughter fall asleep to her music box. Cause I just need that moment.

I'm just not a party planner

I've been trying so hard to plan a party for my parents the last couple weeks. I've ended up dumping most of it on my sister since I just can't get into it.

What I can get into is sitting on the couch getting big smiles from my little peanut.

What I can't get into is the pile of laundry in the laundry room.
But I could totally get into a good movie right now.

I'm too tired to focus on bills, but a good snuggle on the couch sounds great.

Is it sad that the thing I'm hoping the most for- is my next day off.

One can dream.

I just want to shake something

I grew up in a household where my mother and us kids were responsible for all household chores. Cleaning. Cooking. Bills. Decorating. Either mom took care of us kids or we took care of ourselves. Dad was always involved in our lives but he was in charge of the farm outside and would spend a large part of the day and night out there.

For some reason even though this was the life style I grew up with, I for some reason have the expectations that things would be different for me. That I would have a husband that would help wash dishes, do laundry, clean the rooms, haul the garbage. Instead I get the husband that will sleep in till 4pm on a saturday and will only get up to do something if it involves his daughter. And he will only do it if I have everything ready for him. Or better yet, he'll watch her if I can lay her in bed next to him so he can continue to sleep. I got 4 messages/calls when I went out shopping for 3 hours today.

I came home and cleaned the whole house while he went back to bed for some more sleep. He claims its because he doesn't feel good. He hasn't felt good in 3 years. He got up and was upset that I wasn't happy with him. Didn't know there was something I should be happy for.

I'm not treated like a wife. I don't get loved like a wife. There is no hugs, no kisses. Nothing.

Yet I'm not suppose to be upset. I'm not suppose to get frustrated.

We lost our day care this week. I have exactly two weeks to find more. I asked him a question on his opinion of who I should get. I guess I shouldn't have even asked.

I guess I will go do what I do most Saturday nights since my daughter was born. I will go cook dinner, finish the laundry, put Tayla down, then go to bed. Alone. Like always. Maybe he will come to bed before 5 Am. I guess that would be considered a good night.

yippy.

Tis the season for a.... blizzard?

Its been over a month since I've written and I've missed the blog. My computer completely crashed so I was not able to write. Today I now have a functioning computer and we are completely snowed in for the day. The whole southern Wisconsin is that is. 15 inches of snow and 50 mile an hour winds. Fun right? I'm loving the fire place on and the Christmas cookies. I'm hating the fact that my power goes out every 5 min so I'm going to type fast.

So what's all happened in the last month? Lets see... Thanksgiving did. We celebrated with all sides of our family and kept ourselves moving. I did have to work that night but hey, no biggy. All was quiet at the Birthing Center. Tayla wore her cute sweater and filled everyone's heart with smiles. We were a little under the weather due to constipation issues, but she smiled anyways.

(power outage number 1 while trying to write this post....)

(make that power outage number 2)

Isn't she just super cute in this sweater and smile?

(poweroutage number 3, 4, and 5... this is getting ridiculous. Either on or off people!)

 Tayla is just growing like a weed over the last few weeeks. We now eat regular food and needed her xmas present early... a new High Chair!

(Ok after attempts 6, 7, 8, and 9 I gave up writing for the day and postponed it a day!

 

We played around with her new christmas dress and took some cute pictures of her!

 

 

This hat was one of those 'free deals' on Facebook. All I had to do was pay shipping. According to the website the lady charge $35 for this hat and all I had to pay was the $8 shipping!

O and we learned how to climb out of our bouncy seat now.... hehehe

 We love bath time even more now that we can sit and play with toys and splash....

We can stand in the exerciser , which she loves to do most days.... 

 

Moving on to a serious note. Life is sure catching up with me now. I've been really busy with work things all the time. I'm on so many committees. And to add on top of that I'm going to get trained on teaching prenatal classes after the first of the year. My husband just had surgery this week. I'm happy that he is going to feel better soon but that also means that all house work and baby duties and well just about everything in general is now on my plate. I don't sleep anymore. I cry all the time. But I keep it to myself. I actually had to pull up the Edinbaugh Post Partum depression  scale two days ago. They recommend seeking help after a score of 10. I was 14.

I don't know whats sadder. The fact that I scored a 14 or the fact that even though now I have proof I have a problem, I still don't have time to seek help because life is so crazy right now. I'm just hoping that with the blizzard that we had yesterday and being snowed in today again, that I can decompress and start fresh on Saturday. I'm probably going to turn to this blog more to get my feelings out. I need an outlet. No one in my personal life even knows this blog exists so I'm going to just write in here like a journal.

I'll take more pictures of all the snow today and post some tomorrow maybe. Just do me a favor if you do read this, and send a prayer up for me.